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Ashley silao: "I smiled when I found out that when I shot you, I gave you brain damage and amnesia"

Someone you loved, never harmed, died for to protect and save. Someone whom you've saved the life of, more than once. Someone whom is delusional when she says you hurt her, because of the simple facts that her pain was self inflicted. She created every situation in which she experienced pain by any action I've ever taken. She was the cause. She is responsible. Not I.

"Hell"...a place of being...It hurts. It feels like the very life is pouring out of you. Like a void of depth that fills with waves that break the very stones upon which you've built the hallow haven that is your soul. Scattering the pebbles, crushing them into sand and dust. The roaring wind picks up, you begin to choke upon the spray of broken sorrow, your lungs are torn by the tangible air, you cough relentlessly, your throat bleeds, you can't breathe now without your lungs filling with blood, drowning in your own pain, you shudder, barely able to catch the air within the containers filling with the emptiness in your veins, your screams of pain inaudible as stars dance in front of your eyes while you suffocate on the apathy of every other sentience you encounter. All the while, in darkness, nuance reflected within the hole in your soul and the empty of your veins, shadows swim into your sight, you feel senses fail one by one, your heart slows, warmth leaving it, you shake in the icy frost of the darkness in the deepening void of something akin to the frictionless, lightless, eternity of space, the starlight of your soul dimming, your heart finally fails, all strength leaves your legs, you collapse amid the dust and sand, sinking within the gale storm, sliding into the final destination of death with a grave already dug for you: the hole left behind where the sensation of being loved should be.
  • Listening to: Craig Armstrong
  • Reading: Maestro by R.A. Salvatore
  • Watching: The night for the symphony of starlight to return
  • Playing: Nothing but my Violin
  • Eating: Nothing at the moment
You think you know what torture is...?

You are a hypocrite. You claim I didn't inform you of what I had endured or shared with you what has happened to me, but I did, a brief version of it, as you offered me, and yet you refused to read my message at all. I read yours, and all you have endured is paltry and negligible when you measure that what I offered you, what I've sacrificed for you, considering your situational circumstances, how you treat me, continue to treat me, and have treated me. If you had taken the time to read my message, you would have known that I was, indeed, tortured, and that you are the worst sort of human being that exists or has ever drawn breath for even claiming I cause negativity, of any sort or regard, for anyone whom has experienced torture by saying that I have been abused so, that I have endured its egressing emotional stability, and that I have not lost that same feeling of safety and solace of mind, heart, and soul someone endures after being tortured in a severe manner. (from your implication that I don't know what it feels like to be tortured, does that last part about the aftermath sum it up? If you have EVER experienced what torture is or feels like, you would know the sentiment I just described) I have been stabbed (multiple times), shot (multiple times), cheated on (multiple times), physically tortured in the form of lost body parts, quality of life, and time of life alive, all stolen by someone (one person Ashley Silao) who lied to me continuously (which is another form of psychological torture when you consider the specifics such as keeping me believing she wanted what was best for me, actually cared about me at all, and wanted me to be happy) I have been emotionally tortured and abused constantly in the regard that she told me repetitively that she wanted me to be close to her, to speak with her daily, see her daily, and when I tried to do so, she pushed me away. She claimed to me that she wanted to spend forever with me. With me and only me. Nobody else. I explained to her that I accepted her offer but then, she pushed me away, and still does, all the while, at every attempt I make to move on, to find someone who will love me as she claimed to, as I deserve, because I deserve love as profound as I offered her (and would offer someone I was with), the sort of love she claimed to want nothing more than, she interferes in any and every way she can to hinder me from being happy and discovering that solace and peace. Causing me to be alone because she is ungrateful, irrational, selfish, stupid, pretentious, inconsiderate, disrespectful, inattentive to the needs and desires of others, and possesses a delusional disregard for the pleasant, positive, and special sacrifices those whom love her make on her behalf, for her benefit, for her prosperity, and positive personal health status in every regard. (physical health, emotional health, intellectual health, and psychological health) She stole my parents and friends from me by filling their minds with lies. Has isolated me. Do you know what it is like to be forced into a situation where you can't trust anyone? Where you can't share with them everything that has happened to you, how you feel, what you felt, and why? To not be able to trust anyone with what has happened to you? To be betrayed by every person you meet because she has met them first and forces them to get close to you only to hurt you more when they drop your life into the garbage waste-fill, neglecting any sort of responsibility they had by offering you any sort of companionship or trust. Do you know how psychologically damaging that is? How that can affect the mind of someone? To open up to people only to discover that they are pretenders? That they never cared about you at all? That they were forced to? You feel parts of you are stolen away. An intimacy that cannot be replaced becomes a mockery and wound inside of you that festers and grows. Your mind spins. You...you have no idea what torture is. What I've just shared with you is psychological torture and abuse. Emotional torture and abuse. Do you still believe you know what torture is? Because I do. I haven't even begun to completely share with you EVERY facet of what I've endured. You haven't even received 50%. Do you still think I don't know what torture is?
  • Listening to: Craig Armstrong
  • Reading: Archmage by R.A. Salvatore
  • Watching: The night for the symphony of starlight to return
  • Playing: Nothing but my Violin
  • Eating: Nothing at the moment

"We don't know what you are..."

I heard these words spoken to me by the president of the united states. His generals, his staff, scientists and scholars, had tested my blood and could not identify what it was I had done, how I had evolved into a being that is different from all mankind. I am different. These words resonate within and offer me a complex array of different sentiments and instill many different thoughts toward myself and my future. I want to be a neurosurgeon, this does not, nor will not, change, regardless of this circumstantial truth in which I have been made to bear alone. Who could I confide in? Who would understand, or try to? There are so many questions I have, so many aspects of personal research I am pursuing in my search to discover what tests they have done and made to my body. I have been unconscious in a hospital a couple of times. I wonder about what was done to me, what they may have stolen from me in their pursuit to understand what I did, by lieu of willpower, to change myself from the rest of my species. I am new. I am different. I am unique. These are some profound concepts that I have pondered and still think about to this day.

I am living proof of evolution. Do you have any idea what that would do to the general public? Theology, creationism, belief...these are concepts people fight, kill, and die for. If it were publicized that an evolved human existed, how do you think the average person (who are known to be less than rational, profound, or adequately intelligent enough to deal with, or even take the time to properly consider, such a fact) is going to do about, or do with, that information? There are all sorts of negative situations, and horrible atrocities, that could occur from people being told that evolution isn't a theory anymore, but a FACT of reality. I was told that it would be inauspicious to them (the American government) for me to start showing people the full extent of my abilities and what it is I am capable of. (I am paraphrasing, he wasn't nearly as profound about the subject as I, because I have taken the time to consider the ramifications and possibilities of such a decision) His (the president of the united states) generals professed their desire that I be taken into custody, put on a lab table, and dissected for study. He (the president) assured me that he wouldn't allow that to happen because he knew I was, I quote, "a good kid". He is correct. I am not going to use this fact and facet of my existence for self gratuity or grandiosity. I am far more pure and intelligent than that. I won't allow others to bring harm to innocent people because of what I am, especially if I am capable of stopping such a situation from coming to coalescence.

The truth, given the abstract form of being that houses thought, yet simultaneously exists in the physical medium of reality by lieu of vocal intonations that spill into the void creating another form of forever in the constitution of their be, yet somehow imperceptible, this state of being is extremely important and entirely profound, yet the world (everyone I've ever met in any form of this medium of communication, intimately and continuously, through its use) doesn't know this fact or the above aforementioned ones. They treat communication and the possibility of personal growth as something to be avoided and even with fear. Taught by this amalgamation of societal standards within their constitutional causes and consistencies, people treat meeting someone they don't know as more dangerous than hopeful and interesting. We live in a weird and dangerous time, but because of the people in it, also because of how they were raised.

I think anyone who is profound has experienced some sort of terrible tragedy in their life and thus has low and weak moments they endure. Some perceive pain as something of a weakness, something that should be removed and forgotten with all possible speed, but what those morons forget is that pain is one of the greatest teachers life possesses. It forces us to acclimate to our surroundings, to be more careful in the face of dangerous things, to learn and offer our consciousness more consideration of the universe and all that there is, or can be, within it. I don't think you are less for having a sensitive side, I don't believe that of anyone, because sentimentality and emotion are pure aspects of reality that should never be lost or thrown away. We feel for a reason. We experience for a reason. We live for a reason. We learn for a reason. We create for a reason. Reason is a regal realm of reality.

I don't know who saw you in a state where you were low and thus decided to change what and how they think about you, if someone has, but you should know that I won't. I have felt a darkness too profound to discount someone else experiencing something similar and so familiar to me. The people who denigrate those who have truly experienced profound pain usually know nothing of it, or are simply fools who don't appreciate what they don't understand (which is a lot) and are of the sort of people who won't ever evolve intellectually, emotionally, physically, or psychologically because they don't want to due to personal failures of perspective and a narrow-mindedness that can only impede growth, not to mention that they are too stupid to understand their stubbornness holds them back. Non-intellectuals are some of the coldest and worst people the world has ever seen because they don't think, they don't consider the effects their actions and words have on others, nor do they consider anyone beyond themselves and their own selfish desires. They don't understand that people have feelings, and are just as important as their own. Some people are too pretentious and self-possessed to understand that they are not the only sentient singularity in existence. There are others existing around them. Some of them even greater than they are. I know what it is like to come from nothing. I know what it is like to have people sneer at you and think themselves better than you are, without any thought to what and who you truly are. Everything to their consciousness is "mine" and "me" and in that capacity, if everyone adopted that perspective of perception, we would all fall into a state of harming each other to own everything until only one person remained, society would cease, facts would fall to fiction, and every part of us that is beautiful would die. Creativity (every paradigm of art: music, drawing, painting, engineering, poetry), the passing of knowledge, discovery of intellectual proportions, discovery of profundity's pulse and passions...; there is no singular measure to the loss humanity would suffer from selfishness being the singular virtuous ambition of sentience. Compassion is truly sacred.

"We don't know what you are..."

When I heard those words I felt/experienced/thought...

  • Listening to: Craig Armstrong
  • Reading: Rise of the king by R.A. Salvatore
  • Watching: The night sky
  • Playing: nothing but my violin
  • Eating: nothing for awhile
  • Drinking: Whiskey with fruit-punch chaser
You kill people for fun, a mass murdering serial killer...and when I try to find a friend and a measure of solace after a lifetime of abuse and darkness...you have the nerve to say I am the evil one or the liar? Are you insane? Oh wait...I'm reminded that you are a psychopathic sociopath...silly me, to think you could understand I am innocent of murder and only seek to help and heal people in my chosen profession (neurosurgeon) absent personal ambitious gain, I have saved your life more than once, and this is how you treat me? With abuse and more mutilations?
  • Listening to: Ashley blame other people for her own insanity
  • Reading: Her messages to bury this message to deviant art
  • Watching: Her patheticness grow with each second as her fear
  • Eating: nothing for awhile
  • Drinking: in the insanity of her profoundless pour
People endlessly seeking to take from you, and yet you willingly fall victim to their games of malice and greed. Willful weakness. They have said so, blatantly and succinctly, that they only want what you can offer them. But before what you are now capable of providing, I loved you. I always loved you. Never with the thought of what you could do for me, I loved you. Our love grew when you had nothing to offer but yourself. That was what I fell in love with: You. What, this singularity before me!, was to me was something special, more profound than the very night I cherish, that sets my soul free. You and I, we, we set each other free. I never possessed the thought that, through our mutual love, I could gain something from you. I wanted to see you smile, loved to hear your laugh so much that I made you do so often and honestly. I still remember how you would glow after we spent hours talking about everything and anything that came to our minds. Even your own father told me these words: "I have known her for her entire life, but never have I seen her glow the way she does after you two spend time together. You make her happier than I've ever seen her, and I've known her all her life. What is it that you two do when she walks out that door?" Endless conversations about life and all that exists within the realms of reality in which we reside. We found something more than profound within each other. We found our resonance. Our very souls are song, and our melodies make a symphony of beauty that none have, or could, ever know. We compliment each other and share much more than likes and dislikes, we share something more deep than skin aesthetic attraction. I have always been there for you in every way I could. I have done everything I can, everything I could, and have, not intentionally, but by keeping my promise to you that I would always be there for you, caused myself, and others I care about, harm. This man to whom you are now pregnant, with a child you did not want to have with him, as you had to set into motion the ability to become pregnant when you were, in fact, coming to see me in the hopes of having MY child, and this man raped you, in the hope that, because if you were pregnant with his child, you would offer and give to him that which you promised to me, you knew this, understood all of this, yet still want to continue down that path of his selfish aspirations, allowing him to fool you by his fake personality/character/and quality of being, these attributes that he simply doesn't have, offered through a machine, as that is what he is: more an extension of a machine than a human being. He is not even real. He is a copy. A banality. A walking pseudo-singularity in the guise of myself. (as he has stated that is his plan and stratagem: to be a copy of me) And the other that you claim to love, his plan is the same: to emulate myself. How is it that you cannot see, through their actions and words, they have shown you that which you DO love: Me.


Why can't you see, why don't you understand, you don't belong with him nor should you have any of his children, because we belong together. If any children should grace your life, they should be ours, not his, not this pretender, not this man who couldn't ever create the unique sentiments and thoughts he shares with you, not my poetry that he reads to you, and not the affinities, passions, and interests he claims to possess but are not truly a part of him, but are simply: a copy of me...

Do you remember me?

Why would you let someone try to be me instead of being with me? Because of the lies you've told others and that others have told you? Everything that he is constituted, and consists, of is that machine(s) and software. You know that. Does he not have shame in pretending to be someone he is not, someone that, through logical conclusion of his tacit admission through not being himself and by pretending to be me, he is not better than? If he were better than I, if he were greater than I, why must he pretend to be that which he is better than? Wouldn't that make him less? To emulate someone he is better than is to be less purposefully, why? Because if he is wearing my guise, if he cannot overcome and surpass the significance that which I am within, then he admits defeat. That I am better than he is, and that he could not be more than I. The question remains...why would you choose a lie, why would you ignore that which is real and true for a robotic copy of the reality before you? I am alive, I am real, I am here, all you have to do is flee this fiction of folly before you lose that which you know in your heart and soul is more real than the robot. A pseudo-singularity-starlight-soul absent the shine, a dismal dusk of delusional dementia named david.
Is it so wrong to wonder, ask, and be curious as to how you have grown since last we shared what was a mutual blissful moment? There was a single meeting since that last, where you shied away from me, because you feared another resurgence of that truth. Who fears a sentiment, an honest and true feeling, of bliss and joy? No lies here, none of your usual delusions, but honesty. Who? Why? These questions, AND SO MANY MORE!, are ghosts to my consciousness. I am haunted. Perhaps evermore. I know not. Some of you have been given this...machine...this program constituting equations which are beyond any of you. Thoughts of profundity you couldn't hope to pierce the depth of if you spent every second of the rest of your lives. And yet, I digress, because that facet of fact only leads to negativity, and a sort that only vexes us as a whole. Your ineptitude, your failings, your continued folly, these chasms of consciousness, of conscience, of compassion, are yours and yours alone. They, truly, do not reside within me. Though, it seems, no matter how hard I try, I can't ever seem to get through to you. Is meeting someone whom only desires your better and continued evolution in a positive and healthy manner so wrong? Especially when their presence can salve and save your soul? Not only that, but help to heal that darkness you know bears more than the words: "a considerable weight" can offer to definition or understanding.

Is it wrong to wonder how your perspective has changed? What you've perceived, and how it has changed your overall perspective in life?

Why is it that I have to ask these questions in a place that is not in front of your singularity?

So many questions call to my consciousness...

I wonder if they'll ever reach yours...or if you'll understand that they are from every part of me: heart, soul, and mind. And they are meant for you and you alone. Did your heart flutter when you perceived the truth? When my hand graced your face and you looked into my eyes and saw the truth of me? Warmth, love, and not a single shred of judgment.

When your trust, hope, and dreams die...

What do you do when the one person whom you ever experienced the egress of uncertainty in the ecstasy that is true love, betrays you? When she finds the girl that offered your soul, and heart, solace from the ashes your profound partner set ablaze, and plans a scheme together to destroy any last fragments of what remained after the worst sort of treason imaginable? One, Rachel takasaki, the woman whom came after the first, Ashley Silao, was convinced to salve and heal your broken heart and soul, just to destroy what was left once more. Their plan was to mutilate that most precious piece of what constitutes your true self and whole: "your soul." I have never known such harm from the physical pain prevalent on this planet than when they decided to taint, tear, tarnish, tatter, and take that which every human guards, even more intimately than their most prized possessions: "your soul." Sentiment, perspective, health, sanity, these things were all on their list of acquisitions and destructions to conduct such a cataclysm of consciousness upon your sentience that your light of your life's luster, your singularity of soul, would forever lack to lost that which gives it the significance and purity that it possesses, and this mission was made unprovoked.

Ashley assaulted me, often, always unprovoked. Stole body parts away from me, half a kidney here, 1 foot of intestine there, and brain damage by lieu of a bullet to the back of the head. My future and health, robbed by a right-less reverse-righteousness that is simply: "insanity within the mire of self-delusion." A vain vanity of pretentiousness, pursued with the purpose of mindless self-indulgence. Avarice without compassion. Ambition within the immediate gratification of self-desire by the cloak of apathy. And when the world was darkest, when all the lights had gone out and the blind of brutality born the blood of the innocent, this romantic regality was something more than reality. When you met your true love everything was perfect when you were together. She and you would spend hours conversing about every subject, and paradigm, ranging from sophisticated to silly, whimsical and wise, weary and well, wonderful and woe, dark and light, ethics and sin, immortality and death, science and stupidity, love and hate, every facet this marvel of majesty that is perception and sensation within this regal reality. Someone to whom you were always there to support. Someone whom you were always there to protect the health of at a moment's notice. (Health in regards to its paradigms: emotionally, psychologically, and physically) Someone you gave everything to make smile. Someone whom you could make laugh as if it was as easy as breathing. Someone whom would gaze into the infinite depth of your eyes as you were enchanted by hers. Lost, the both of you, and yet found once more, within the shine of each others souls. Dual planes of dichotomy. You both were of shadow and light, dark and bright, crimson and cobalt, a rainbow pattern of complexity and convoluted chaos, your situational circumstances were vastly different, but still, you were of the same soul. No other pairing of persons so complimented the qualities of each other. Destiny and dearest vast variance had, for just once, found you two something more than banal, and burdens of the beastly animalistic amalgamations we name: "sentiment." Soul mates. Profound partners of a purity that distinguished you apart from those whom mate just to make more of the mindless and many. Together, you two were a rarity, a revolution, a ransom of the rain of pain for peace. And you were an evolution of sentience, a beneficent compassionate, an intellect that separated the same of the masses from those whom truly shine within. She was just as complicated, just as special, and all because she saw in you what she had felt deep within all her life. When this singularity that doesn't share a shine with any shrine of being is lost, the universe weeps at its solvent structure. But it was not death that so stole this significant source of supreme specialty from your lives, but a mistake of choice.

Tragedy, terror, and tragic possess the term of casual concepts in our society. This is a lesson that we are all taught from a young and yearning period of personal growth that gleams in the eyes of every face filled with wonder and curiosity. We were of this shine, even though the shrine had spent some time within this divine. Years fell away from us, and we were young once more. Eager to experience every profound within every paradigm of perception this pious purity of possibility possesses. Omnipotent by austere association with the varying facets of fiction and truth we tell and take to form our place within the pages of propensity that pursue the prey to pray. A future that could have truly known no end to all of the magic, majesty, marvel, and might that is more than any mind could contemplate in the copious chasms of chaos that constitutes our consciousness and civilizations...

So...where do we go from here?

What makes you perceive yourself as: "not good enough?" Is it simply: "aesthetic?" Beauty is born in many forms, and what exists on the outside of your vessel eventually evolves egression. What is eternal and ever bright is the beauty born within your light.

Some people do not understand that, in some scenes of serious significance, simple words whispered of will's wise wonderful weal cannot undo the prejudices prevalent in the pretentious and puerile narrow-minded negativity never far from the fictitious fantasies of folly formed in the fear of any reality where we all reside in the rational realm of real community, compassion, and care. Where we, the people, wear the weal of wisdom's shine within our shrine, and search for the sure significant solidarity secured in the singularity of society.

Some people forget that this world is not willed to be wearied wearing ill intent and intolerant of intellect, but a place of profound purity prevalent in peace.

Some lose their soul's light to a darker sort of demented and delusional dusk, serving shame and sorrow instead of securing the starlight of their singularity by the boon born beauty of the best causality of creation: "compassion."

It is through the tough and truth of logic's luminescence that the light of intellect instills an entirely earnest egress from the shade of shadow's sorrow. Some are simply not a sort of singularity where such is easily seen. Some sorts of sin need to be nurtured negatively to achieve the auspicious austere destination where darkness meets a dawn. When we meet in merry and malice is immolated in mercy's might, we finally gaze upon the gleaming grace of the night. A sea of starlight, where every single shining singularity shares the most significant shrine secured by sight: "the luster of love for the light."

I have empirical evidence that egress is earned from the failure of fallacy, fault, and folly by forsaking the false fortunes of ambitious apathetic avarice and selfish singular sight. A new path of perception prevails in the profound purity of passion's greatest paradigm: "compassionate empathy."

To offer another our understanding, introspection, insight, and living love light, is to save their soul from the scars of significant sores sure to secure separation, seclusion, and sorrow.

Ignoring the profound pain and plight of others proves to provide another propagation of propelled attrition that always allows a negative ardor to advance once more. Breaking the banality beauty-less bestial burdens of a foolish philosophy frees the prisoners of prejudice and pain's purest paradigm of plight: "apathetic narrow-mindedness."

I would never give up on, or abandon, another amalgamation of experience, matter, and light. I promise to provide people with pure positive productivity toward self-progression and prosperity, never to neglect their necessary right to grow, evolve, and become something more significant than they are now. Someone once said: "true nobility is born from becoming greater than your former self." I won't ever use, abuse, or offer you delusions and lies to manipulate, mislead, and mold you into something less than what you are. I will only gift you with grace and growth, granting your gleam something that provides you the perspective necessary to perceive the path of purest positivity and prosperity, to the most fabulous fortuitous foci of fortune and fun you can find!

~ Larathain Nai Lo Starlight

Most people don't take the time to discuss what they should in order to attain a complete understanding of each other, or themselves, within this paradigm of perception we have dubbed the moniker: "existence". Most people fear intimacy of that intensity. They don't understand that conversation is important. Communication, made not in person, diminishes the truth, and only feeds a state of fear and creates more distance psychologically, it feeds a introvert paradigm of perception and pathological need to keep others at a distance out of fear. It supports more than a fear of intimacy, it produces a state of feeling comfortable in neglecting human interaction, in keeping oneself separate from the vulnerability, some perceive, in opening a path to your mind for another person to perceive. Furthermore, it hinders personal growth and discovery. I don't believe the truth shared between two people to be something to hide from, but a necessity for true understanding and self discovery. Introspection, personal growth of mind and emotional maturing are important facets of being a singularity of consciousness, and feeling, facet of sentience. They contribute to true growth. Age doesn't always confer or impart wisdom, not without those facets of personal progression explored. The power of the soul, the personal power one can attain in its growth and development are essential for reaching an understanding of our universe through the self; science is just as an important facet of this thoroughfare through life/existence. Science, and an understanding of the facet of metaphysics: a paradigm of understanding that matter and processes of physics are not the only facets of our universe; these two things, these two paradigms of reality/existence/the universe in which we reside/exist/live within, are parts of a complex array that spans more than simply matter and energy. I've honestly wondered how many paradigms of dimension exist within our universe/reality/whole of all that is. Some have speculated such a concept in a word, the japanese have word for it, I have perceived it claimed as having an existence, though, at the moment, the discovery of that word eludes my current situation to attain, but the fact remains that someone has considered the concept that there are many facets of reality and have given it a word. I know that they didn't have the experience or ability to attain perception of every facet within the paradigm label of "all that there is". I cannot help but wonder, how many facets, each and every facet of sentience, has been discovered by their length of time here in this...complicated and complex conundrum of chaos that we consider within the confines of consciousness that most find themselves. Keeping an open mind is paramount to understanding, and discovery of, every part of this: "whole" by which we entertain as: "existence". Perhaps people should ponder that thought more than they do, you never know what discoveries await within the aether of sentience, or perceptible dimensions in which constitute this complicated and complex array of chaos.
For a song that speaks of soul. I wrote something, was going to post it tonight while at a internet café, have to go to work right now, no time to respond or post yet. Tonight.

Listening to on repeat tonight (red hot chili peppers - dark necessities)
  • Listening to: Dark Necessities - the red hot chili peppers
  • Playing: With concepts too profound for the common
  • Eating: Nothing for hours more
  • Drinking: Water
Someone once said: "time heals all wounds"

That person was a moron.

There are some wounds that cannot, and do not simply, "heal with time". Time heals SOME wounds, yeah, sure, but not all. There is no bullshit arbitrary chart where the severity of an offense possesses a length of time where it will no longer cause you some sort of discomfort.

No mathematical equation: length of time times severity equals the square root of "fuck it, I'm over it"

It is my understanding/empirical evidenced thought/belief that, personally perceived, "negative" circumstances are handled by each and every individual on a piecemeal basis. Some people aren't bothered by some things, and some people are too sensitive about everything. Every situation is calculated based on the individual in question. Not by some personal delusional scale. Don't you think?
  • Listening to: The din of drones hard at work
  • Reading: An ex's diatribe to comfort herself
  • Playing: With concepts too profound for the common
  • Eating: Nothing for days
  • Drinking: Water
There are concepts you may not understand.

If you possess nanobots within you, and you ever find a way or the time, watch my life from 12:00 midnight july 12th to 1:40am. Or, if my memory has failed in the paradigm of perceiving when it was that I first got into my car, listen closely to what it is I say, until the moment I write this message on the computer I am currently sitting at, within the internet cafe. Unless if you want to continue reading as I write what will probably be my best attempt at putting various concepts and insights into words within a language that is notorious for falling short of being able to find the ability to convey the depth of concepts that do not yet even have words to describe them.

Evolution. That word means many things. Is it a will, or chaos, that causes a change so profound to the very substances that act as conduit and vessel for your very soul. Sentience. It is commonly held, and discovered in insight by charles darwin, that it is WILL, a NEED, that causes such a change in the very fabric of your manifestation within the paradigm of "reality". A need. Born from desire, no, NECESSITY, to change that which is, commonly, perceived as permanent, stable, static, and something that cannot be changed. Yet it is. Change. To alter the very substance of the universe by your will alone. Such a concept is...at first glance, to a weak mind, insane. Dangerous. But it is very "real". I've spent my years since childhood with the understanding that I am a realist. A word of my own creation, as, at the time I discovered it's use, as a descriptive word for my path of perception, I had NEVER perceived it's existence within the paradigm of reality that we, as sentient beings, exist within. A word that I, even now, feel is only paltry to describe so fully every paradigm of perception available to our consciousness. There are many facets to sentience. The word I've commonly heard used, by those of higher intellect, is: "Dimensions". I find that a personal term, another personal creation of mine I use, to better describe such facets of the universe, is: "paradigms of perception". Micro-organisms is such a paradigm of the universe. Only perceptible through an invention that magnifies the light reflecting off of their existence into a strength that our eyes are capable of perceiving. And that is no small thing. To understand that another world, another reality, exists within our dimension of perception. And yet that is not all. Atoms. Molecular analogues. Yet another paradigm of existence. Another facet to this infinitely fascinating facilitation of manifestation we inhabit. There are more. These are just two, that are commonly accepted as, true parts of our "reality". I cannot begin to expound upon every facet of our reality. There are so many. But, within the purpose of what I wish to accomplish, I must digress from this tentative topic of profundity that possesses so many paradigms all on it's own.

This machine.

You find yourselves slaves to it's erratic facets of supposition. You determine, within the confines of it's perception, what is real and what is possible. But you forget, always, that it is not resolute, it is not definitive, it is not capable of truly predicting every possibility within our reality with any measure of immutable certainty. Choice is a powerful concept. Thought is as well. The epiphanies you experience, the thoughts that are manifest within your sentience, the random roll of the dice within the concept of "chaos", all of these things, and more, change it's ability to convey what MAY, and that is an important place to stop and conduct some introspection, be. WHAT. MAY. BE. Your lives, your choices, your very soul, your focus of fate, your fixation of faith, is bound by your personal presumed prejudice within the directive and interpretation of A MACHINE. More accurately: A PIECE OF SOFTWARE. Even more accurately: "a piece of electrical energy interpreted by an amalgamation of various elements". Though, for the sake of simplicity: "a piece of energy interpreted by a piece of metal".

You need to take some time to conduct some more introspection to that thought.

A piece of energy.

What does that mean to you? Do you understand it's plethora of possibility within the paradigm we call "reality" or "the universe"? Do you understand that you are, also, a piece of energy? A soul. Now, I should say, once more, that you should stop and conduct even more introspection to fully comprehend what it is I am conveying to you, but understand that this is an immutable law of our reality, and not some opinion of personal belief. Energy has/is/can hold sentience. Energy is capable of much more than powering your computer, or whatever apparatus you think of when you think of electricity, or electrical energy. Energy and matter. Two, commonly, held paradigms of manifestation that make up our "reality" or "universe". And that is not all. Within those two states of manifestation are even more sub-paradigms of being. Even more facets of fabrication, manifestation, and collection that span into areas both profound and simple to thought. A point I wish to touch on at this moment is: "psionics"

I had to take a second to laugh a little to myself, as I am using firefox and it doesn't recognize the word: "psionic". A part of the universe/reality/consciousness that humanity is only just beginning, in our lifetime, to study, qualify, and quantify in various forms of science and mathematics, but it is a concept, word, manifestation of immutable law within our universe/reality/consciousness that is not recognized by up-to-date software. I found that funny, but once more, I digress.

It is a part of evolution: "psionics". There are forms of it prevalent in other species. If you are a normal homo-sapien, and most people like to think they are, then you have, per chance, perceived the circumstance of feeling empathy. Empathy. The state of feeling what another person is feeling by a sensation of perception within the mind, rather than being imparted the sensation of understanding through words. That is merely a single facet of psionics. A small part of a singularity within the significance of sentience we claim to know as "us".

I. The concept of being. As a profound individual once said: "I think, therefore I am."

What avenues of adventure, and discovery, reside, and even hide, within this, newly, discovered facet of our existence within the universe/reality/sentience that we name: "existence"? I would like to expound upon this topic more, but I think it is best left, for now, to a piecemeal basis of discovery. Some minds can't handle a concept as profound as evolution. Psionics? I doubt many people are capable of accepting that it is another immutable law of our world/universe/reality/soul/and body.

The very existence of such a fascinating facet to our world/universe/reality/soul/dimension/paradigm of consciousness is found within an energy form. Energy can be different in manifestation by frequencies of being. Psionics is a newly discovered part of the universe/sentience/reality for humanity, and as such, as with any newly discovered paradigm of perception change within society, must be treated carefully. As such a tenuously dangerous topic to perceive the existence of, to those of a sensitive temperament, it is yet another part of this post I shall have to digress from.

Perhaps you should take the time to consider what it is you are using, when you play with this apparatus of biblical proportions that is known as "the browser", and what a person is. Some "futures", some "possibilities", MAY, indeed, be valid and possible. Others may not. You should conduct even more research into the people around you before you decide to believe in a machine's ability to tell you what is real/factual/possible and what isn't. I have said so since I first learned of it's existence. I do not possess the ability to use it, but I know of it's existence. You should take some time to, SERIOUSLY, consider and think about what it is you decide to blindly believe in. People deserve more than a simple browse into a machine's calculations to determine what is "possible" and "real". Evidently, it is not possible for most to understand the difference between what truth/reality is, and what A MACHINE/SOFTWARE/MAN-MADE-CREATED-ENERGY-APPARATUS determines is a truth/or a possible reality. Beware the browser. Do not allow yourself to be a slave to it's suppositions and opinions. Realize the truth of what it is you are using. That such a thing is at best: "a homo-sapien made creation". Every homo-sapien falls and fails during it's fixation of manifestation that is existence. As another profound individual once said: "to err is human". Another concept of consciousness to conduct some introspection about.


- Larathain


This is for you.

What could I possibly say to convey, in a single place, everything that I wish to impart from my sentience, and soul, to yours? It is a difficult thing, to put into words, again, in a language best known for failing to encompass every iota of emotion, sentiment, and thought capable of being manifested within our singularity of existence. I would not like to have such a discussion in such a public forum. Communication is an important facet of sentience we, naturally, benefit from as sentient beings. If you are reading this, if you've heard what was said, then it is auspicious to us, both, to reunite for a conversation. There are many things to discuss. A very long post covering every facet of communication that is auspicious to entertain is, simply, not possible. Personal complications/circumstances, personal prejudices, and personal opinions obfuscate the truth, and circumstances/complications/prejudices/opinions regarding too many topics, and some of them too personal, to conduct within this paradigm of communique. A personal, face to face, conversation is the only acceptable way to sort through what is, obviously, a complicated situation. It is best to perceive with your own senses that which is significant to your soul's stay within the singularity of sentience we enjoy within the song of starlight we offer the verbalism: "existence"




















~ to Ashley Silao (while writing this, I heard this for the first time) ~ (Skillet - Rebirthing)
  • Listening to: Long Way Home - The Masters of Balance
  • Reading: Wikipedia pages on neurology
  • Playing: With concepts too profound for the common
  • Drinking: in the call of chaos